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It's just riveting--more fandom thoughts
Jul. 3rd, 2006 11:40 amI've been thinkin more about the MsScribe drama and the comments in my original post on the topic about it and other comments elsewhere.
Thinking about the stories of the Bronze dramas that were before my time, the MsScribe stuff, and other fandom stories, I've come to the following conclusion:
There are a lot of similarities between fandom and high school. My high school wasn't really all that cliquey--at least not in the sense that people were desperate to get into the "popular" crowd. There was a popular group, but pretty much everyone had their own group and few people cared that much about moving up any sort of social ladder. In fact, a lot of people floated between various groups. But I've heard enough stories to realize that for many the high school experience isn't like that.
I think there must be people out there that just never get over the need to be part of the in crowd. We all want and need acceptance. That's human and healthy. But it seems like there are some people that have some sort of hole that just can't or won't be filled. And I wonder if the behavior we see from some people is a reflection of a long-standing need to be popular. I'd like to think that to some extent most of us outgrow that. You look back to your high school or junior high years and realize that not only were you unhappy, so was almost everyone else. I've never known anyone to look back at their junior high years and say "oh, that was a good time. I miss those days." Yet at the time, there's a tendency to think that everyone else has it together and is pretty happy, but you're the loser who will never be happy and never figure it out. Time and distance lends perspective, you grow up and find balance and, well, a life.
But I'm thinking that some people never find that perspective. Maybe what we see in some fandom behavior is that continuing desperation/obsession with chasing the popular. That belief that if I just find my way into the elite, the "it crowd," my life is going to change. It'll be better, and I'll be fulfilled and people will love me, etc., etc. The thing is, though, I don't think you can really find happiness that way. If you haven't found any sort of contentment or acceptance within yourself, no one else can give it to you. Others can help you find it, but in the end you have to take it for yourself. Otherwise, even if you manage to claw and scrape your way into the group that you're so anxious to be a part of, those holes in life still remain. Because the things that are missing, self-acceptance and an honesty in the way you interact with others, are still there. And until those things are discovered, it's a continuing saga and quest to find the right crowd that's going to make life good and you feel worthy.
So, I'm thinking some of the behavior that we see sometimes from people in fandom is suspended adolescence. It's a sad and pitiable thing to see it in people who should be old enough to know better. And it's particularly sad because these are the sorts of people that tend to be self-destructive--often without recognizing it--and destructive to the people and networks around them. The latter destructivenss often deliberately done as part of an attempt to gain status and control. To borrow from Cordelia Chase, there comes a point when you just have to spank your inner moppet, grow up, and get over it. I don't know what It is, but until It is dealt with you will continue to be miserable and to make others miserable. And it's just sad that to see someone who never figures it out because they often leave a swath of destruction in their wake.
Thinking about the stories of the Bronze dramas that were before my time, the MsScribe stuff, and other fandom stories, I've come to the following conclusion:
There are a lot of similarities between fandom and high school. My high school wasn't really all that cliquey--at least not in the sense that people were desperate to get into the "popular" crowd. There was a popular group, but pretty much everyone had their own group and few people cared that much about moving up any sort of social ladder. In fact, a lot of people floated between various groups. But I've heard enough stories to realize that for many the high school experience isn't like that.
I think there must be people out there that just never get over the need to be part of the in crowd. We all want and need acceptance. That's human and healthy. But it seems like there are some people that have some sort of hole that just can't or won't be filled. And I wonder if the behavior we see from some people is a reflection of a long-standing need to be popular. I'd like to think that to some extent most of us outgrow that. You look back to your high school or junior high years and realize that not only were you unhappy, so was almost everyone else. I've never known anyone to look back at their junior high years and say "oh, that was a good time. I miss those days." Yet at the time, there's a tendency to think that everyone else has it together and is pretty happy, but you're the loser who will never be happy and never figure it out. Time and distance lends perspective, you grow up and find balance and, well, a life.
But I'm thinking that some people never find that perspective. Maybe what we see in some fandom behavior is that continuing desperation/obsession with chasing the popular. That belief that if I just find my way into the elite, the "it crowd," my life is going to change. It'll be better, and I'll be fulfilled and people will love me, etc., etc. The thing is, though, I don't think you can really find happiness that way. If you haven't found any sort of contentment or acceptance within yourself, no one else can give it to you. Others can help you find it, but in the end you have to take it for yourself. Otherwise, even if you manage to claw and scrape your way into the group that you're so anxious to be a part of, those holes in life still remain. Because the things that are missing, self-acceptance and an honesty in the way you interact with others, are still there. And until those things are discovered, it's a continuing saga and quest to find the right crowd that's going to make life good and you feel worthy.
So, I'm thinking some of the behavior that we see sometimes from people in fandom is suspended adolescence. It's a sad and pitiable thing to see it in people who should be old enough to know better. And it's particularly sad because these are the sorts of people that tend to be self-destructive--often without recognizing it--and destructive to the people and networks around them. The latter destructivenss often deliberately done as part of an attempt to gain status and control. To borrow from Cordelia Chase, there comes a point when you just have to spank your inner moppet, grow up, and get over it. I don't know what It is, but until It is dealt with you will continue to be miserable and to make others miserable. And it's just sad that to see someone who never figures it out because they often leave a swath of destruction in their wake.
