Fic Commentary - Team's Night Out
Jun. 17th, 2009 11:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smg01One more Fic Commentary. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aurora_novarum asked for either Birthday or Team’s Night Out. Because I’m in avoidance mode on other projects, I’m doing both.
This story has probably gotten the best response of any that I’ve done. It was also one of the scariest for me to do. I’m always a little nervous when I post a new story, but I was especially so for this one because it was my first attempt at pure humor. Angst or drama or anything “serious” doesn’t really make me as nervous because I can always chalk up people not liking something to differences in taste. Humor that doesn’t work, however, is deadly. Which is why even though I probably get the best responses to my more humorous pieces, they’re also the ones that are the most nerve-wracking. With that intro, on to the story.
“Poker?” Daniel wondered. He took a bite of his sandwich. [One of my writing tics is that I often start stories in mid-conversation. I’m not sure why. I guess I just like the feel of plunging into things, rather like joining up with friends and then catching up with the conversation.]
“Maybe,” Sam said doubtfully.
“Perhaps we will be viewing more stories regarding the Simpson family,” Teal’c suggested. He was diligently pulling grapes from their stems.
Daniel and Sam looked at each other and then back at Teal’c. All three nodded with varying degrees of resignation. [Ah, the power of The Simpsons]
SG-1 had fallen into a routine of spending Friday evenings together when they were on Earth. It was Jack’s turn to choose the activity and he had hinted that he had something new planned. All hints aside, experience told them that a Simpsons night was always a safe guess.
Jack carried his lunch tray to the table and sat down. His team gave him inquiring looks.
“What?” Jack asked.
“What are we doing tomorrow?” Daniel asked.
“Tomorrow?” Jack repeated. “Is there something special about tomorrow?” [Of course Jack would enjoy winding them up.]
Daniel gave an impatient sigh. Teal’c took the bait. “It will be Friday, O’Neill. It is your turn to select our activity for the evening.”
“Oh, right,” Jack said.
They continued to look at him. He looked back.
“Well?” Daniel prodded.
“What?”
“We wish to know what we will be doing,” Teal’c said bluntly.
Jack leaned forward conspiratorially. “All right, hold on to your hats. This is big.”
Teal’c looked puzzled. “Should I retrieve my hat before we continue?” [The fun part of doing early SG-1 is getting to play with language through Teal’c. The English language provides so many options for fun with word play.]
Jack stared. “No, that won’t be necessary.” He looked thoughtful. “We really do need to put together a list of common expressions for you.”
“That would be most helpful,” Teal’c replied. “Am I to understand, then, that hats will not play a role tomorrow night?” [I never want to play Teal’c’s language misunderstandings as a chance to laugh at him. I like to play it as a chance to laugh about the quirks of the language. And I like to play that Teal’c has a quick mind and enjoys keeping people guessing about whether he's serious or not.]
It was no longer clear whose leg was being pulled. Either way, Sam and Daniel were both keeping determinedly serious faces. Teal’c wore his usual solemn expression. Jack looked at him suspiciously but played it straight. “No. There will be shoes involved though. Well, and you’ll be wearing a hat since we’re going out.”
“Shoes?” Sam asked.
“We’re going bowling.” He sat back expectantly.
Sam appeared interested. Daniel seemed uncertain. Teal’c looked puzzled again. He picked up a bowl and examined it with a frown. “Shoes and bowls?” he asked.
“Not bowls. Bowling. It’s a game of skill. You use a ball to knock down a set of pins. Special lanes are set up for it. And you get to rent cool shoes.”
Teal’c continued to frown. “Pins? Shoes?”
The others traded mystified looks. After some thought, Sam realized what was confusing Teal’c.
“Bowling pins don’t actually pin anything,” she explained. “They’re made of wood and are placed in a formation at the end of a lane. You use a ball to try to knock them down from a specified distance. You also have to wear special shoes to step on the bowling lane.” [I think my initial bit with the pins discussion was a little more elaborate, which sort of sucked some of the fun out of the whole thing. All the way through as I worked on this story I kept concluding that simpler is better.]
“If they do not pin anything, why are they known as pins?” [Good question.]
“They just are,” Jack said after a brief pause. [I don’t know either.]
“Your language is most mysterious,” Teal’c said. He sounded faintly accusatory. [Indeed it can be.]
“Yes,” Jack said.
“I don’t suppose we’ll be using those bumper pads that keep the ball out of the gutter?” Daniel asked. [I wonder why Daniel asks this? Perhaps he’s creating a bit of misdirection here.]
“I guess that answers the question about Daniel’s skill.” Jack said. “How’s your game?” he asked Sam.
“I’m not bad,” she said.
“Then we’ll have our regular teams of you and Daniel against Teal’c and me. That should be pretty even.” [I just liked the idea of the Wonder Twins usually teaming up and Jack and Teal’c on the other side.]
Sam and Daniel looked at each other and shrugged.
“8:00 tomorrow night. A good time will be had by all.” Jack’s words were either an admonition or a promise.
Saying that he was due at a briefing, Jack excused himself. Three bemused members of SG-1 watched him leave.
“Huh,” Daniel said. “Bowling.” His expression was inscrutable.
“It could be fun,” Sam said. [In my very first draft, I had a thing where Sam talked about how her family went bowling a lot when she was growing up and how it was something that they all enjoyed. I ditched it pretty quickly because it was just didn’t add anything. In reality it was more of a tangent that brought the whole story to a halt.]
Teal’c remained fixated on terminology. “If there are no bowls involved, why is it referred to as bowling?” he wanted to know. [Sometimes you just want to know the why of something.]
“Because the object of the game is to bowl the pins over,” Daniel tried to clarify. “A bowl is a dish that holds things like food. As a verb it means to roll something, or, sometimes to strike something. In the case of bowling, you’re rolling a ball with the intent of striking something. I know it’s tricky when the same word has completely different meanings,” he concluded sympathetically.
“Indeed,” said Teal’c.
* * * * * * *
At 8:00 on Friday night the members of SG-1 congregated at the bowling alley. Teal’c took in the surroundings with interest: the activity happening in the lanes, the noise of pins falling, children running around the arcade, and the array of shoes behind the front counter. After renting their shoes, the four of them went to their assigned lane.
Once they all finished changing their shoes, Sam and Daniel helped Teal’c select a bowling ball. Jack went to the snack bar, returning a few minutes later with a fruit soda for Teal’c and beers for everyone else. He handed them out as Sam went over the rules and scoring system with the Jaffa.
Jack set his own drink down at the scoring desk and told everyone that they were each allowed one warm-up frame before the scoring started. Motioning for Teal’c to follow him, Jack stepped up to the lane. [Jack’s the organizer for the night’s activities, so he’s the one who takes charge.]
“Okay, strategically, what you want to do is hit the formation between the pin at the front of the wedge and the pin just behind it. If you hit the front pin dead center, you’re likely to get a split, which is when there’s a gap between pins. They’re harder to finish off than if the pins are all clustered together. You walk up to the foul line without crossing it and release the ball. If you’re bowling with your right hand, you’ll want to end on your left foot. Watch.” Jack picked up his own ball, showing Teal’c the proper way to hold it, then bowled a practice frame. He made a face as he left one pin standing after his second roll.
“Now it’s your turn,” Jack told Teal’c.
Teal’c picked up his ball. He cast a skeptical look at his companions, then walked in a herky-jerky manner up to the foul line. He finished on his left foot, swung his right arm, and released the ball. With a tremendous crash, the ball reached the pins on the fly, knocking down six of them. The occupants of the other bowling lanes turned and stared in the direction of the noise. Teal’c looked pleased. Sam and Daniel dissolved into giggles. [It’s pretty broad humor, but the image in my mind made me giggle when I wrote it. I worried that readers would roll their eyes at it, but others seem to like it too.]
Jack shook his head. Joining Teal’c at the foul line, he clasped his shoulder. “Okay,” he said. “Six pins is really good for a first try. But you’re supposed to roll the ball.” He pointed at the lane. “See those arrows? Your ball should be on the floor by the time it reaches that point. If not sooner.” [For some reason, I got an equal kick out of having Jack remain deliberately calm, trying to act like Teal’c was making a really common bowling mistake.]
“I see.” Teal’c’s ball popped up on the ball return.
“You get one more try to knock down the last four pins,” Jack said.
Teal’c picked up his ball again and walked toward the foul line. This time when he released the ball, it bounced its way down the lane, then rolled harmlessly past the remaining pins.
“Okay,” Jack said bravely. “You’ll just want to release the ball lower so that it rolls instead of bounces. Otherwise, good try.”
“I understand.” Teal’c said.
They walked back to the seats. “Carter, Daniel, take your practice frames,” Jack said. He sat down at the scoring table and took a long drink from his beer. [The image in my mind’s eye of Jack taking a long drink and wondering what he’d got himself into also made me laugh. The more I laughed at my own writing, the more I became convinced that others would read it and be unamused. (I can be a bit neurotic sometimes)]
Still snickering, Sam and Daniel jumped up and walked to the lane. Sam knocked down eight pins. Daniel rolled a weak gutter ball, then knocked down one pin on his follow up attempt.
Jack began setting up the automatic scoring machine. Turning to the others, he asked them for the names they wanted to use for the score sheets. [In my early drafts, the bit about the names went on a little longer. Sam and Daniel each chose names before Teal’c did. Sam chose Amelia. Daniel chose Louis. Amelia was for Amelia Earhart and Louis was for Louis Leakey. I planned to keep that unexplained. People could draw that conclusion if they wanted, but if they didn’t it wouldn’t matter. Both people that betaed the story thought it was bit much. I agreed and cut it down to what’s in the final version. Ultimately I think it was a big improvement.]
“Do you not recall our names?” Teal’c asked.
“It’s traditional to use fake names,” Jack explained. “Besides, your real name is a little unusual for these parts.
“You may call me Chyr’talzto’lapriktnoor.” [Basically, I just closed my eyes and tapped keys on the keyboard. Then I put apostrophes in random places.]
Jack glared at his teammate and took another long drink of his beer. [Again this image amused me.] Teal’c looked back innocently.
“What does the name mean?” Daniel asked.
“He who is victorious.” Teal’c said matter of factly.
“I like the sentiment,” Jack told him. “But I’m not entering all that. And it’s not exactly low profile... We’ll go with Victor.”
Teal’c inclined his head philosophically and took a drink of soda.
Jack looked at Sam and Daniel. They both had dangerously mischievous looks on their faces.
“We’ll forgo aliases for the rest of us this time,” Jack said decisively. Ignoring the smirks being directed his way, he quickly entered their names.
“Is it not customary to make a wager on the outcome of an event such as this one?” Teal’c asked.
“Yes,” Jack said weakly. He looked like he was replaying Teal’c’s practice balls in his mind.
“Losing team pays the expenses the next time we go out?” Daniel suggested.
Sam looked at Daniel like she was replaying his practice turn. Daniel gave her a bland look in return. [Now we get our first hint that Teal’c and Daniel have another game that they’re playing aside from the bowling competition itself.]
“Okay,” Sam said hesitantly.
“Agreed,” Teal’c said.
Everyone looked at Jack. He drummed his fingers on the table. “Whose turn will it be to pick next time?”
“Mine,” Daniel answered.
Jack exhaled.
“Chicken?” Daniel asked. He made soft clucking noises.
Jack grimaced in his direction. “Fine. Losers pay next time. We’ll play best two out of three. Carter, you’re up.”
Sam took her turn, scoring an eight. Daniel followed with a strike. He offered a modest shrug as she congratulated him.
Jack rolled a nine. Teal’c contributed an awkward-looking five.
The game proceeded swiftly. At the sixth frame, Daniel scored his third strike. [Someone who commented on the story mentioned that she was prepared to be annoyed at another “Daniel is physically incompetent story” and was happy to find out that wasn’t the case. Side note to my note: while I have favorite characters, I never set out to make any characters look foolish (although they may do foolish things sometimes. I don’t care for putting down one character to make another look better. My goal is usually to give every character a chance to shine or look good in some way or another at some point in the stories I do.]
“You sandbagged me!” Jack exclaimed.
“I took bowling to satisfy my phys ed requirements in college. I got pretty good at it,” Daniel said nonchalantly. [It was my plan all along to have Daniel be secretly good at bowling and have his performance be a surprise.]
Jack shook his head and took his turn. He converted a tricky 2-10 split for a spare.
Teal’c, who had shown remarkable improvement from one frame to the next, bowled a strike. Jack looked at him speculatively. [More hints that Teal’c may be harboring a secret too.]
At the conclusion of the first game Sam narrated the results. “Okay, 130 for me and Daniel’s 170 gives us 300. Teal’c’s 102 plus Colonel O’Neill’s 168 makes 270. We win.” She and Daniel traded high fives. [I even branched out into bringing math into things for the sake of the story.]
“You had a strong finish,” Jack complimented Teal’c.
Teal’c smiled serenely.
While Teal’c and Sam visited the snack bar for a new round of refreshments, Jack turned to Daniel. “Phys ed requirement, you say?” Jack asked.
“Yes,” Daniel said complacently.
“I can’t imagine why the Academy didn’t add bowling to the training regimen,” Jack said, rolling his eyes. “Instead, I was going for ten mile runs and doing hundreds of pushups.” He gave Daniel a stern look.
“Well I also did a fair bit of crawling around in deserts and mountain ranges on summer digs.” Daniel said defensively.
“Whatever.” Jack responded dismissively, but he looked amused.
Daniel grinned at him. “I never dreamed those classes would pay off. I’m thinking we should eat at that new Italian restaurant for our get together next week,” he said slyly. [It’s always dangerous to get too cocky too early]
Jack looked at him with narrowed eyes. “It’s supposed to be pretty high brow isn’t it?”
“So?”
Jack frowned at him.
Sam and Teal’c had returned to the lane in time to hear the end of the exchange between Jack and Daniel.
“I am reminded of a tale I recently learned about the hatching and counting of chickens,” Teal’c commented as he and Sam handed out drinks and nachos. [I was rather pleased with this line from Teal’c.]
Jack pointed at Teal’c. “That’s what I like to hear,” he said warmly.
Teal’c bowed in reply.
“Still, we just have to win one out of the next two games,” Sam said. “You’ve got to win two in a row. I like our chances.”
Jack took a bite of his nachos. “We’ll see. Ready to start round two?”
Sam put down her drink and stood up. “Absolutely.”
“Bring it on,” Jack said.
The second game was competitive from the start. Everyone stepped up their performance. By the midway point, they were all shamelessly attempting to disrupt the competition. [You’ve got to have a little trash talk if you’re going to have a competition between friends like this. My first drafts included some of the actual comments, but they weren’t that good and I thought they actually slowed the story down. I decided it would be better leave it to readers to come up with their own ideas.]
Sam laughed along with Daniel’s loud reiterations of some of Jack’s mission misadventures until Jack fixed her with a frosty glare. With a hand wave, he invited her to take her turn with a pointed “Captain.” She shifted uneasily and slunk to the lane to pick up her ball. [I rather liked having Jack pull rank once he became annoyed enough. And Sam realizing that she has to pay attention to the location of the line.]
It was a rambunctious group that approached the finish of the second game. Sam completed her final frame with a 150. Daniel’s 180 gave them a team score of 330.
Jack uttered an annoyed grunt as he missed an easy spare in his final frame. He studied the scoreboard for a minute, then turned to Teal’c. “Not to put too much pressure on you, but you’re going have to do really well in this final frame.”
Teal’c raised an eyebrow. “I shall endeavor to do so.” His manner was unconcerned.
Teal’c picked up his ball and bowled an authoritative strike. He followed that with a second strike. Jack sat up straighter. Once again he trained a speculative gaze on Teal’c. [And now more and more pennies are dropping.]
Daniel and Sam began to look nervous. Sam attempted to goad Teal’c as he picked up his ball for his bonus roll. “It all comes down to you, Teal’c,” she said. “Everything hinges on this last ball. Are you sure you’re up to it?”
“I believe that I am,” Teal’c said calmly. He turned back to the lane, walked forward, and bowled a final strike.
“Nice!” Jack said, rising to his feet. He slapped Teal’c on the back as he walked by.
They all looked at the scoreboard. Teal’c’s turkey in the final frame gave him a score of 156.
Jack turned to Daniel and Sam. “175 plus 156 equals 331. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that beats your 330, yes?”
“Yes, Jack. You’ve won the second game,” Daniel said, sounding irritated.
“I believe that means that we’re now tied up,” Jack observed. [And now the gloating starts on the other side.]
“Yes, Jack.” Daniel said again.
“Are we still making plans for Mario’s for next Friday?” Jack wanted to know.
“You barely won this game and you still have to win one more,” Sam reminded Jack.
“But,” he held up a finger, “we did win. And improved.” Jack replied.
“We improved too,” Sam pointed out.
“We improved more,” Jack countered.
Daniel rolled his eyes. “We’ll see if you’ve improved enough for the long term.”
“Yes, we will.” Jack responded. [Just a bit of pointless bickering for color and fun.]
Teal’c watched the bickering with polite interest. “Is that not the purpose of the competition?” he asked.
“What?” Jack’s attention was diverted from Daniel.
“Should we not complete the contest to see who will win rather than arguing about it?”
“Yes we should,” Jack said. “Carter, let’s get the show on the road.”
Sam nodded and stepped up to the lane.
It was another highly competitive match. Everyone did well, but Teal’c was exceptional. After four frames, he had four strikes. [Early drafts went into greater details the games themselves: how many pins people knocked down, their reactions, etc. I think taking that out was a case of addition by subtraction.]
“You’ve caught on to this game really quickly,” Daniel commented.
“This game is not entirely unfamiliar to me,” Teal’c said thoughtfully. “On Chulak we have a game called Tal’c’tor. It is similar to this one. It involves a smaller ball and there are more targets, but the goal is the same.”
Daniel stared at Teal’c. Realization struck after a few seconds. “Of course! We know that bowling originated in ancient Egypt.” [This wasn’t in my original plan. But when I was looking up something about bowling on a wiki, I discovered the factoid about Egypt and bowling. That sparked the idea of Teal’c growing up having played a similar game and winding up being really good at bowling.]
“We do?” Jack asked.
Daniel ignored him. “It makes sense that there would have been some sort of cross-cultural transference. I wonder if the Egyptians learned it from the occupiers or if the aliens learned it from the humans.” Daniel sounded intrigued.
“I do not know, Daniel Jackson.”
“I don’t either,” Jack added. “I do know that Teal’c is kicking your butts. Carter you’re up again.”
“I’m going to have to do some research on this,” Daniel mused.
“Why?” Jack asked.
“Because I’m interested,” Daniel said testily. [I just thought the exchange between Jack and Daniel was sort of typical for both them and fun to write.]
Jack shrugged.
After six frames Teal’c still had a perfect game. His human companions began to trade worried glances.
“Uh, Teal’c?” Sam said cautiously. “It might be a good idea if you missed a few pins.”
“Would you not prefer to win on your own merits?” Teal’c sounded disgruntled.
“The thing is, perfect games draw a lot of attention. The longer it goes, the more people will gather around to watch. If you bowl a 300 there’s likely to be stories and photographs.” Sam lowered her voice. “People will want you to take off your hat.”
“She’s right,” Jack said reluctantly. He had noticed a buzz beginning to build. People were starting to follow Teal’c’s progress. “Don’t throw the whole game. Just bowl an open frame and a spare or two, so people will lose interest.” [I felt bad for Teal’c. I had briefly toyed with the idea of having him bowl a 300 game, then occurred to me that that would garner a lot of attention. That in turn sent me in the direction that the story took.]
“I’m really sorry Teal’c,” Daniel said. He didn’t look nearly as sorry as Jack and Teal’c did.
Teal’c acquiesced unhappily. “I understand.”
On his next turn, Teal’c knocked over seven pins on his first attempt. He followed that with an intentional gutter ball. He walked back to his seat looking downcast. The observers muttered disappointedly and began drifting away. Most gave Teal’c sympathetic looks as they departed.
“I do not like this,” Teal’c growled.
“I know. It sucks, but it had to be done,” Jack said.
Sam patted Teal’c’s shoulder and took her turn.
Shortly thereafter they finished the game. They all looked to the scoreboard and did the mental arithmetic. Daniel’s 200 and Sam’s 170 combined for 370. Jack’s 180 and Teal’c’s 257 gave them a team total of 437. [More math. The things that I do for the sake of a story.]
“437 to 370. That makes us… the winners, doesn’t it?” Jack said with quiet glee. [Here’s another example of injecting a little myself into a character. I’m actually really sportsmanlike about losing. I have been known to be a bit of sore winner on occasion.]
“You don’t have to gloat about it,” Daniel said crossly.
“Of course I do,” Jack told him. He shook Teal’c’s hand. “Good job. I’m sorry you had to give up your perfect game.”
“Yes, good game Teal’c,” Sam added.
Teal’c gave a little bow.
“So we’re eating Italian next Friday?” Jack asked.
“I haven’t made that decision yet,” Daniel objected
“But you were so excited about the idea when you thought I would be the one paying,” Jack said sardonically.
“I just said I was thinking about it.”
“Keep thinking about it,” Jack advised. “I’m feeling a craving for fettuccini coming on.” [More bickering, which I enjoy writing.]
Daniel glared. “It’s my choice to make. Maybe I’ll want to do something else. “
Jack relented. “It’s your call. We’ll do whatever you choose. Except karaoke.”
“Oh. I hadn’t considered that,” Daniel said.
Teal’c looked curious.
“No,” Sam said firmly.
“It could be fun,” Daniel wheedled.
“No, Sam repeated.
“All right, no karaoke,” Daniel conceded. “I’ll let you know sometime next week.”
They turned in their rental shoes and paid for the use of the lane. They walked together into the spring night.
“This was fun,” Sam said.
“Indeed,” Teal’c agreed.
“We’ll have to do it again sometime,” said Daniel.
Jack looked gratified. He turned to Teal’c. “Come on. I’ll drop you off at the base.” They wished the others a good night and walked toward Jack’s truck.
Daniel and Sam watched them go.
“I really thought we had them this time,” Sam said good-naturedly as they began walking to their cars.
“Me too,” Daniel said ruefully. [I thought it would be fun to have a long-running theme of a competition going on and Sam and Daniel having a lot of catching up to in the win column.]
“You played it really well. I didn’t figure out that you were setting them up until you went along with the bet so quickly.”
“Yeah,” Daniel sighed. “Too bad Teal’c was running his own scam. I didn’t figure on that.” [The idea of Teal’c and Daniel both trying to run a scam was a relatively late inspiration, but one that I’m really happy with.]
“Neither did I. We’ll get them eventually.”
“You’d think. How are you at miniature golf?” Daniel asked.
“I’m pretty good. You?”
“Pretty good. I’m thinking of choosing that for our next night out.”
“Golf wasn’t also invented in ancient Egypt was it?” Sam asked.
“Not to my knowledge.”
“I think we should give it a try,” Sam said.
“So do I. Besides, it’ll be fun.”
“I think so too.” Sam said.
“They’re due for an ass kicking,” Daniel added as he turned to his car.
“Overdue,” Sam agreed, opening her car door. “See you Monday.”
“Good night,” Daniel said. “Have a good weekend.” [Endings are somewhat the bane of my existence. So many of mine just sort of stop, or kind of dribble to a halt. I’m not particularly thrilled with this story conclusion, but I think it works well enough.
This story was a bit of a breakthrough for me. It was a straight up attempt at humor--which some have seemed to appreciate. It was also when I began to be more comfortable about writing for the character of Teal’c. It was gratifying that others seem to have found humor in the story. It’d be awfully embarrassing for me to have laughed while writing it, only to find that nobody else was amused.
aurora_novarum asked for either Birthday or Team’s Night Out. Because I’m in avoidance mode on other projects, I’m doing both.This story has probably gotten the best response of any that I’ve done. It was also one of the scariest for me to do. I’m always a little nervous when I post a new story, but I was especially so for this one because it was my first attempt at pure humor. Angst or drama or anything “serious” doesn’t really make me as nervous because I can always chalk up people not liking something to differences in taste. Humor that doesn’t work, however, is deadly. Which is why even though I probably get the best responses to my more humorous pieces, they’re also the ones that are the most nerve-wracking. With that intro, on to the story.
“Poker?” Daniel wondered. He took a bite of his sandwich. [One of my writing tics is that I often start stories in mid-conversation. I’m not sure why. I guess I just like the feel of plunging into things, rather like joining up with friends and then catching up with the conversation.]
“Maybe,” Sam said doubtfully.
“Perhaps we will be viewing more stories regarding the Simpson family,” Teal’c suggested. He was diligently pulling grapes from their stems.
Daniel and Sam looked at each other and then back at Teal’c. All three nodded with varying degrees of resignation. [Ah, the power of The Simpsons]
SG-1 had fallen into a routine of spending Friday evenings together when they were on Earth. It was Jack’s turn to choose the activity and he had hinted that he had something new planned. All hints aside, experience told them that a Simpsons night was always a safe guess.
Jack carried his lunch tray to the table and sat down. His team gave him inquiring looks.
“What?” Jack asked.
“What are we doing tomorrow?” Daniel asked.
“Tomorrow?” Jack repeated. “Is there something special about tomorrow?” [Of course Jack would enjoy winding them up.]
Daniel gave an impatient sigh. Teal’c took the bait. “It will be Friday, O’Neill. It is your turn to select our activity for the evening.”
“Oh, right,” Jack said.
They continued to look at him. He looked back.
“Well?” Daniel prodded.
“What?”
“We wish to know what we will be doing,” Teal’c said bluntly.
Jack leaned forward conspiratorially. “All right, hold on to your hats. This is big.”
Teal’c looked puzzled. “Should I retrieve my hat before we continue?” [The fun part of doing early SG-1 is getting to play with language through Teal’c. The English language provides so many options for fun with word play.]
Jack stared. “No, that won’t be necessary.” He looked thoughtful. “We really do need to put together a list of common expressions for you.”
“That would be most helpful,” Teal’c replied. “Am I to understand, then, that hats will not play a role tomorrow night?” [I never want to play Teal’c’s language misunderstandings as a chance to laugh at him. I like to play it as a chance to laugh about the quirks of the language. And I like to play that Teal’c has a quick mind and enjoys keeping people guessing about whether he's serious or not.]
It was no longer clear whose leg was being pulled. Either way, Sam and Daniel were both keeping determinedly serious faces. Teal’c wore his usual solemn expression. Jack looked at him suspiciously but played it straight. “No. There will be shoes involved though. Well, and you’ll be wearing a hat since we’re going out.”
“Shoes?” Sam asked.
“We’re going bowling.” He sat back expectantly.
Sam appeared interested. Daniel seemed uncertain. Teal’c looked puzzled again. He picked up a bowl and examined it with a frown. “Shoes and bowls?” he asked.
“Not bowls. Bowling. It’s a game of skill. You use a ball to knock down a set of pins. Special lanes are set up for it. And you get to rent cool shoes.”
Teal’c continued to frown. “Pins? Shoes?”
The others traded mystified looks. After some thought, Sam realized what was confusing Teal’c.
“Bowling pins don’t actually pin anything,” she explained. “They’re made of wood and are placed in a formation at the end of a lane. You use a ball to try to knock them down from a specified distance. You also have to wear special shoes to step on the bowling lane.” [I think my initial bit with the pins discussion was a little more elaborate, which sort of sucked some of the fun out of the whole thing. All the way through as I worked on this story I kept concluding that simpler is better.]
“If they do not pin anything, why are they known as pins?” [Good question.]
“They just are,” Jack said after a brief pause. [I don’t know either.]
“Your language is most mysterious,” Teal’c said. He sounded faintly accusatory. [Indeed it can be.]
“Yes,” Jack said.
“I don’t suppose we’ll be using those bumper pads that keep the ball out of the gutter?” Daniel asked. [I wonder why Daniel asks this? Perhaps he’s creating a bit of misdirection here.]
“I guess that answers the question about Daniel’s skill.” Jack said. “How’s your game?” he asked Sam.
“I’m not bad,” she said.
“Then we’ll have our regular teams of you and Daniel against Teal’c and me. That should be pretty even.” [I just liked the idea of the Wonder Twins usually teaming up and Jack and Teal’c on the other side.]
Sam and Daniel looked at each other and shrugged.
“8:00 tomorrow night. A good time will be had by all.” Jack’s words were either an admonition or a promise.
Saying that he was due at a briefing, Jack excused himself. Three bemused members of SG-1 watched him leave.
“Huh,” Daniel said. “Bowling.” His expression was inscrutable.
“It could be fun,” Sam said. [In my very first draft, I had a thing where Sam talked about how her family went bowling a lot when she was growing up and how it was something that they all enjoyed. I ditched it pretty quickly because it was just didn’t add anything. In reality it was more of a tangent that brought the whole story to a halt.]
Teal’c remained fixated on terminology. “If there are no bowls involved, why is it referred to as bowling?” he wanted to know. [Sometimes you just want to know the why of something.]
“Because the object of the game is to bowl the pins over,” Daniel tried to clarify. “A bowl is a dish that holds things like food. As a verb it means to roll something, or, sometimes to strike something. In the case of bowling, you’re rolling a ball with the intent of striking something. I know it’s tricky when the same word has completely different meanings,” he concluded sympathetically.
“Indeed,” said Teal’c.
* * * * * * *
At 8:00 on Friday night the members of SG-1 congregated at the bowling alley. Teal’c took in the surroundings with interest: the activity happening in the lanes, the noise of pins falling, children running around the arcade, and the array of shoes behind the front counter. After renting their shoes, the four of them went to their assigned lane.
Once they all finished changing their shoes, Sam and Daniel helped Teal’c select a bowling ball. Jack went to the snack bar, returning a few minutes later with a fruit soda for Teal’c and beers for everyone else. He handed them out as Sam went over the rules and scoring system with the Jaffa.
Jack set his own drink down at the scoring desk and told everyone that they were each allowed one warm-up frame before the scoring started. Motioning for Teal’c to follow him, Jack stepped up to the lane. [Jack’s the organizer for the night’s activities, so he’s the one who takes charge.]
“Okay, strategically, what you want to do is hit the formation between the pin at the front of the wedge and the pin just behind it. If you hit the front pin dead center, you’re likely to get a split, which is when there’s a gap between pins. They’re harder to finish off than if the pins are all clustered together. You walk up to the foul line without crossing it and release the ball. If you’re bowling with your right hand, you’ll want to end on your left foot. Watch.” Jack picked up his own ball, showing Teal’c the proper way to hold it, then bowled a practice frame. He made a face as he left one pin standing after his second roll.
“Now it’s your turn,” Jack told Teal’c.
Teal’c picked up his ball. He cast a skeptical look at his companions, then walked in a herky-jerky manner up to the foul line. He finished on his left foot, swung his right arm, and released the ball. With a tremendous crash, the ball reached the pins on the fly, knocking down six of them. The occupants of the other bowling lanes turned and stared in the direction of the noise. Teal’c looked pleased. Sam and Daniel dissolved into giggles. [It’s pretty broad humor, but the image in my mind made me giggle when I wrote it. I worried that readers would roll their eyes at it, but others seem to like it too.]
Jack shook his head. Joining Teal’c at the foul line, he clasped his shoulder. “Okay,” he said. “Six pins is really good for a first try. But you’re supposed to roll the ball.” He pointed at the lane. “See those arrows? Your ball should be on the floor by the time it reaches that point. If not sooner.” [For some reason, I got an equal kick out of having Jack remain deliberately calm, trying to act like Teal’c was making a really common bowling mistake.]
“I see.” Teal’c’s ball popped up on the ball return.
“You get one more try to knock down the last four pins,” Jack said.
Teal’c picked up his ball again and walked toward the foul line. This time when he released the ball, it bounced its way down the lane, then rolled harmlessly past the remaining pins.
“Okay,” Jack said bravely. “You’ll just want to release the ball lower so that it rolls instead of bounces. Otherwise, good try.”
“I understand.” Teal’c said.
They walked back to the seats. “Carter, Daniel, take your practice frames,” Jack said. He sat down at the scoring table and took a long drink from his beer. [The image in my mind’s eye of Jack taking a long drink and wondering what he’d got himself into also made me laugh. The more I laughed at my own writing, the more I became convinced that others would read it and be unamused. (I can be a bit neurotic sometimes)]
Still snickering, Sam and Daniel jumped up and walked to the lane. Sam knocked down eight pins. Daniel rolled a weak gutter ball, then knocked down one pin on his follow up attempt.
Jack began setting up the automatic scoring machine. Turning to the others, he asked them for the names they wanted to use for the score sheets. [In my early drafts, the bit about the names went on a little longer. Sam and Daniel each chose names before Teal’c did. Sam chose Amelia. Daniel chose Louis. Amelia was for Amelia Earhart and Louis was for Louis Leakey. I planned to keep that unexplained. People could draw that conclusion if they wanted, but if they didn’t it wouldn’t matter. Both people that betaed the story thought it was bit much. I agreed and cut it down to what’s in the final version. Ultimately I think it was a big improvement.]
“Do you not recall our names?” Teal’c asked.
“It’s traditional to use fake names,” Jack explained. “Besides, your real name is a little unusual for these parts.
“You may call me Chyr’talzto’lapriktnoor.” [Basically, I just closed my eyes and tapped keys on the keyboard. Then I put apostrophes in random places.]
Jack glared at his teammate and took another long drink of his beer. [Again this image amused me.] Teal’c looked back innocently.
“What does the name mean?” Daniel asked.
“He who is victorious.” Teal’c said matter of factly.
“I like the sentiment,” Jack told him. “But I’m not entering all that. And it’s not exactly low profile... We’ll go with Victor.”
Teal’c inclined his head philosophically and took a drink of soda.
Jack looked at Sam and Daniel. They both had dangerously mischievous looks on their faces.
“We’ll forgo aliases for the rest of us this time,” Jack said decisively. Ignoring the smirks being directed his way, he quickly entered their names.
“Is it not customary to make a wager on the outcome of an event such as this one?” Teal’c asked.
“Yes,” Jack said weakly. He looked like he was replaying Teal’c’s practice balls in his mind.
“Losing team pays the expenses the next time we go out?” Daniel suggested.
Sam looked at Daniel like she was replaying his practice turn. Daniel gave her a bland look in return. [Now we get our first hint that Teal’c and Daniel have another game that they’re playing aside from the bowling competition itself.]
“Okay,” Sam said hesitantly.
“Agreed,” Teal’c said.
Everyone looked at Jack. He drummed his fingers on the table. “Whose turn will it be to pick next time?”
“Mine,” Daniel answered.
Jack exhaled.
“Chicken?” Daniel asked. He made soft clucking noises.
Jack grimaced in his direction. “Fine. Losers pay next time. We’ll play best two out of three. Carter, you’re up.”
Sam took her turn, scoring an eight. Daniel followed with a strike. He offered a modest shrug as she congratulated him.
Jack rolled a nine. Teal’c contributed an awkward-looking five.
The game proceeded swiftly. At the sixth frame, Daniel scored his third strike. [Someone who commented on the story mentioned that she was prepared to be annoyed at another “Daniel is physically incompetent story” and was happy to find out that wasn’t the case. Side note to my note: while I have favorite characters, I never set out to make any characters look foolish (although they may do foolish things sometimes. I don’t care for putting down one character to make another look better. My goal is usually to give every character a chance to shine or look good in some way or another at some point in the stories I do.]
“You sandbagged me!” Jack exclaimed.
“I took bowling to satisfy my phys ed requirements in college. I got pretty good at it,” Daniel said nonchalantly. [It was my plan all along to have Daniel be secretly good at bowling and have his performance be a surprise.]
Jack shook his head and took his turn. He converted a tricky 2-10 split for a spare.
Teal’c, who had shown remarkable improvement from one frame to the next, bowled a strike. Jack looked at him speculatively. [More hints that Teal’c may be harboring a secret too.]
At the conclusion of the first game Sam narrated the results. “Okay, 130 for me and Daniel’s 170 gives us 300. Teal’c’s 102 plus Colonel O’Neill’s 168 makes 270. We win.” She and Daniel traded high fives. [I even branched out into bringing math into things for the sake of the story.]
“You had a strong finish,” Jack complimented Teal’c.
Teal’c smiled serenely.
While Teal’c and Sam visited the snack bar for a new round of refreshments, Jack turned to Daniel. “Phys ed requirement, you say?” Jack asked.
“Yes,” Daniel said complacently.
“I can’t imagine why the Academy didn’t add bowling to the training regimen,” Jack said, rolling his eyes. “Instead, I was going for ten mile runs and doing hundreds of pushups.” He gave Daniel a stern look.
“Well I also did a fair bit of crawling around in deserts and mountain ranges on summer digs.” Daniel said defensively.
“Whatever.” Jack responded dismissively, but he looked amused.
Daniel grinned at him. “I never dreamed those classes would pay off. I’m thinking we should eat at that new Italian restaurant for our get together next week,” he said slyly. [It’s always dangerous to get too cocky too early]
Jack looked at him with narrowed eyes. “It’s supposed to be pretty high brow isn’t it?”
“So?”
Jack frowned at him.
Sam and Teal’c had returned to the lane in time to hear the end of the exchange between Jack and Daniel.
“I am reminded of a tale I recently learned about the hatching and counting of chickens,” Teal’c commented as he and Sam handed out drinks and nachos. [I was rather pleased with this line from Teal’c.]
Jack pointed at Teal’c. “That’s what I like to hear,” he said warmly.
Teal’c bowed in reply.
“Still, we just have to win one out of the next two games,” Sam said. “You’ve got to win two in a row. I like our chances.”
Jack took a bite of his nachos. “We’ll see. Ready to start round two?”
Sam put down her drink and stood up. “Absolutely.”
“Bring it on,” Jack said.
The second game was competitive from the start. Everyone stepped up their performance. By the midway point, they were all shamelessly attempting to disrupt the competition. [You’ve got to have a little trash talk if you’re going to have a competition between friends like this. My first drafts included some of the actual comments, but they weren’t that good and I thought they actually slowed the story down. I decided it would be better leave it to readers to come up with their own ideas.]
Sam laughed along with Daniel’s loud reiterations of some of Jack’s mission misadventures until Jack fixed her with a frosty glare. With a hand wave, he invited her to take her turn with a pointed “Captain.” She shifted uneasily and slunk to the lane to pick up her ball. [I rather liked having Jack pull rank once he became annoyed enough. And Sam realizing that she has to pay attention to the location of the line.]
It was a rambunctious group that approached the finish of the second game. Sam completed her final frame with a 150. Daniel’s 180 gave them a team score of 330.
Jack uttered an annoyed grunt as he missed an easy spare in his final frame. He studied the scoreboard for a minute, then turned to Teal’c. “Not to put too much pressure on you, but you’re going have to do really well in this final frame.”
Teal’c raised an eyebrow. “I shall endeavor to do so.” His manner was unconcerned.
Teal’c picked up his ball and bowled an authoritative strike. He followed that with a second strike. Jack sat up straighter. Once again he trained a speculative gaze on Teal’c. [And now more and more pennies are dropping.]
Daniel and Sam began to look nervous. Sam attempted to goad Teal’c as he picked up his ball for his bonus roll. “It all comes down to you, Teal’c,” she said. “Everything hinges on this last ball. Are you sure you’re up to it?”
“I believe that I am,” Teal’c said calmly. He turned back to the lane, walked forward, and bowled a final strike.
“Nice!” Jack said, rising to his feet. He slapped Teal’c on the back as he walked by.
They all looked at the scoreboard. Teal’c’s turkey in the final frame gave him a score of 156.
Jack turned to Daniel and Sam. “175 plus 156 equals 331. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that beats your 330, yes?”
“Yes, Jack. You’ve won the second game,” Daniel said, sounding irritated.
“I believe that means that we’re now tied up,” Jack observed. [And now the gloating starts on the other side.]
“Yes, Jack.” Daniel said again.
“Are we still making plans for Mario’s for next Friday?” Jack wanted to know.
“You barely won this game and you still have to win one more,” Sam reminded Jack.
“But,” he held up a finger, “we did win. And improved.” Jack replied.
“We improved too,” Sam pointed out.
“We improved more,” Jack countered.
Daniel rolled his eyes. “We’ll see if you’ve improved enough for the long term.”
“Yes, we will.” Jack responded. [Just a bit of pointless bickering for color and fun.]
Teal’c watched the bickering with polite interest. “Is that not the purpose of the competition?” he asked.
“What?” Jack’s attention was diverted from Daniel.
“Should we not complete the contest to see who will win rather than arguing about it?”
“Yes we should,” Jack said. “Carter, let’s get the show on the road.”
Sam nodded and stepped up to the lane.
It was another highly competitive match. Everyone did well, but Teal’c was exceptional. After four frames, he had four strikes. [Early drafts went into greater details the games themselves: how many pins people knocked down, their reactions, etc. I think taking that out was a case of addition by subtraction.]
“You’ve caught on to this game really quickly,” Daniel commented.
“This game is not entirely unfamiliar to me,” Teal’c said thoughtfully. “On Chulak we have a game called Tal’c’tor. It is similar to this one. It involves a smaller ball and there are more targets, but the goal is the same.”
Daniel stared at Teal’c. Realization struck after a few seconds. “Of course! We know that bowling originated in ancient Egypt.” [This wasn’t in my original plan. But when I was looking up something about bowling on a wiki, I discovered the factoid about Egypt and bowling. That sparked the idea of Teal’c growing up having played a similar game and winding up being really good at bowling.]
“We do?” Jack asked.
Daniel ignored him. “It makes sense that there would have been some sort of cross-cultural transference. I wonder if the Egyptians learned it from the occupiers or if the aliens learned it from the humans.” Daniel sounded intrigued.
“I do not know, Daniel Jackson.”
“I don’t either,” Jack added. “I do know that Teal’c is kicking your butts. Carter you’re up again.”
“I’m going to have to do some research on this,” Daniel mused.
“Why?” Jack asked.
“Because I’m interested,” Daniel said testily. [I just thought the exchange between Jack and Daniel was sort of typical for both them and fun to write.]
Jack shrugged.
After six frames Teal’c still had a perfect game. His human companions began to trade worried glances.
“Uh, Teal’c?” Sam said cautiously. “It might be a good idea if you missed a few pins.”
“Would you not prefer to win on your own merits?” Teal’c sounded disgruntled.
“The thing is, perfect games draw a lot of attention. The longer it goes, the more people will gather around to watch. If you bowl a 300 there’s likely to be stories and photographs.” Sam lowered her voice. “People will want you to take off your hat.”
“She’s right,” Jack said reluctantly. He had noticed a buzz beginning to build. People were starting to follow Teal’c’s progress. “Don’t throw the whole game. Just bowl an open frame and a spare or two, so people will lose interest.” [I felt bad for Teal’c. I had briefly toyed with the idea of having him bowl a 300 game, then occurred to me that that would garner a lot of attention. That in turn sent me in the direction that the story took.]
“I’m really sorry Teal’c,” Daniel said. He didn’t look nearly as sorry as Jack and Teal’c did.
Teal’c acquiesced unhappily. “I understand.”
On his next turn, Teal’c knocked over seven pins on his first attempt. He followed that with an intentional gutter ball. He walked back to his seat looking downcast. The observers muttered disappointedly and began drifting away. Most gave Teal’c sympathetic looks as they departed.
“I do not like this,” Teal’c growled.
“I know. It sucks, but it had to be done,” Jack said.
Sam patted Teal’c’s shoulder and took her turn.
Shortly thereafter they finished the game. They all looked to the scoreboard and did the mental arithmetic. Daniel’s 200 and Sam’s 170 combined for 370. Jack’s 180 and Teal’c’s 257 gave them a team total of 437. [More math. The things that I do for the sake of a story.]
“437 to 370. That makes us… the winners, doesn’t it?” Jack said with quiet glee. [Here’s another example of injecting a little myself into a character. I’m actually really sportsmanlike about losing. I have been known to be a bit of sore winner on occasion.]
“You don’t have to gloat about it,” Daniel said crossly.
“Of course I do,” Jack told him. He shook Teal’c’s hand. “Good job. I’m sorry you had to give up your perfect game.”
“Yes, good game Teal’c,” Sam added.
Teal’c gave a little bow.
“So we’re eating Italian next Friday?” Jack asked.
“I haven’t made that decision yet,” Daniel objected
“But you were so excited about the idea when you thought I would be the one paying,” Jack said sardonically.
“I just said I was thinking about it.”
“Keep thinking about it,” Jack advised. “I’m feeling a craving for fettuccini coming on.” [More bickering, which I enjoy writing.]
Daniel glared. “It’s my choice to make. Maybe I’ll want to do something else. “
Jack relented. “It’s your call. We’ll do whatever you choose. Except karaoke.”
“Oh. I hadn’t considered that,” Daniel said.
Teal’c looked curious.
“No,” Sam said firmly.
“It could be fun,” Daniel wheedled.
“No, Sam repeated.
“All right, no karaoke,” Daniel conceded. “I’ll let you know sometime next week.”
They turned in their rental shoes and paid for the use of the lane. They walked together into the spring night.
“This was fun,” Sam said.
“Indeed,” Teal’c agreed.
“We’ll have to do it again sometime,” said Daniel.
Jack looked gratified. He turned to Teal’c. “Come on. I’ll drop you off at the base.” They wished the others a good night and walked toward Jack’s truck.
Daniel and Sam watched them go.
“I really thought we had them this time,” Sam said good-naturedly as they began walking to their cars.
“Me too,” Daniel said ruefully. [I thought it would be fun to have a long-running theme of a competition going on and Sam and Daniel having a lot of catching up to in the win column.]
“You played it really well. I didn’t figure out that you were setting them up until you went along with the bet so quickly.”
“Yeah,” Daniel sighed. “Too bad Teal’c was running his own scam. I didn’t figure on that.” [The idea of Teal’c and Daniel both trying to run a scam was a relatively late inspiration, but one that I’m really happy with.]
“Neither did I. We’ll get them eventually.”
“You’d think. How are you at miniature golf?” Daniel asked.
“I’m pretty good. You?”
“Pretty good. I’m thinking of choosing that for our next night out.”
“Golf wasn’t also invented in ancient Egypt was it?” Sam asked.
“Not to my knowledge.”
“I think we should give it a try,” Sam said.
“So do I. Besides, it’ll be fun.”
“I think so too.” Sam said.
“They’re due for an ass kicking,” Daniel added as he turned to his car.
“Overdue,” Sam agreed, opening her car door. “See you Monday.”
“Good night,” Daniel said. “Have a good weekend.” [Endings are somewhat the bane of my existence. So many of mine just sort of stop, or kind of dribble to a halt. I’m not particularly thrilled with this story conclusion, but I think it works well enough.
This story was a bit of a breakthrough for me. It was a straight up attempt at humor--which some have seemed to appreciate. It was also when I began to be more comfortable about writing for the character of Teal’c. It was gratifying that others seem to have found humor in the story. It’d be awfully embarrassing for me to have laughed while writing it, only to find that nobody else was amused.
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Date: 2009-06-18 05:50 am (UTC)I know what you mean about endings. Sometimes it takes as long to write the last paragraph as the whole rest of the story. And sometimes, I've just given up and posted anyway. I'm trying not to do that this year. ;)
As with Suzannemarie's commentaries, I find it incredibly interesting to hear what is cut and why... (Bwaha! Forgot who I was talking to! WAY too much multi tasking!!) Let's just change that: In your OTHER commentaries, etc, etc...
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Date: 2009-06-18 02:14 pm (UTC)I'm really surprised to hear that you question your humor! It always seems so effortless!
Well, you know, one worries about winding up feeling like feeling like Teal'c after he tells the others the joke about the Setesh guard. :)
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Date: 2009-06-18 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-18 03:36 pm (UTC)I have no doubts about your humor. But then we share a brain...
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Date: 2009-06-18 07:29 pm (UTC)I have boxed myself in a time or two. Which, since I hate having to undo everything which has been done already, leaves me scrambling to try to figure how to fix it so it all makes sense after all.