being positive

[smg01]

I think I spent a good portion of last year in a mild depression. There was stuff--especially work--that I wanted to care about, but somehow... couldn't. Everything just seemed really hard.

I don't want to make it sound more serious than it was. When I say mild, I mean quite mild. I'm prone to the blues on occasion, but they usually don't last more than a few days or a couple of weeks. This time it went for several months.

But for the last few weeks I've been feeling a lot better. I feel like I've got a much better handle on work things again. Although it is going to be a strange year. My boss is retiring. The Big Boss will also be retiring in a few months. He's already hired his replacement--who will start next week and then ascend to director status in the fall. Lots of changes in store. They'll probably be good, but, still a little anxiety inducing.

I also even cleaned the bathroom today. Well, cleaned up the top few layers of grime at least. You know how sometimes people say something is a mess and they really mean it's just kind of dirty? Yeah, that wasn't this. Things had reached a pretty mortifying state. Now, if only the house elves would tidy up the kitchen and clear up the rather overloaded coffee table in my living room. Baby steps.

Also, I pulled up an old 3/4 finished fic that I had abandoned a couple of years ago or so. It's actually not that bad, I don't think. It needs a good bit of polishing and, you know, an ending, but I just might have it in me to finish it up. Maybe even for Gen Fic Day.

The other ongoing battle/goal is to bring some semblance of order to my sleep/go to bed patterns. I have a feeling it would be a lot better for me if I'd stop falling asleep on the couch and then dragging myself up to bed at 3:00 am.

And, Spring Training starts in a week (I love baseball), and that means that spring is not so far away. The days are already noticeably longer. This always lifts my spirits.

Comments

[aurora_novarum]

I completely understand what you're going through, including the bathroom cleaning. *hugs* I've been thinking about you from time to time, wondering how you were.

*hugs again*

[campylobacter.livejournal.com]

OMG, I know what you mean about mild depression. It's that condition, for me, that makes me procrastinate important things until they're ON FIRE, and default to behaviors that normally wouldn't be destructive except that they're used to procrastinate the important stuff.

:(

I need to pay bills, do laundry, clean out storage, scrub the shower stall, vacuum the stairs, BUT I'D RATHER FANGEEK on Twitter, Tumblr, LJ, DW, & AO3. UGH I SUCK.

But I'm not *sad*, so I didn't realize how bad it was until you mentioned it.

[suzannemarie.livejournal.com]

That's exactly it! It's like an extreme case of the "don't wannas." It's been amazingly hard to shake.

I just had this realization this past weekend that "I had a really good week." It was sort of like the sun breaking through clouds good feeling.

Hope your's starts to break up too.

[campylobacter.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I mean, I'm *happy*, just not MOTIVATED. And I hate that, because I know how productive and efficient I am normally.

OK: First, I gotta get off the Internet. LOL